6 Sep
2012

Competitive Mom Syndrome

Yesterday, I was talking to my friend Mariana. She’s got lots of friends who are mothers and enjoys watching us just as Jane Goodall enjoys watching chimpanzees. She seems to be compiling mass amounts of information so that when the time comes that she’s going to have children, she’ll have learned from all of us.  Yesterday as we were sipping on coffee and laughing at Tonio’s temper tantrum, she casually mentioned that she’s noticed a certain competitiveness between mothers.

Now, I don’t get to observe other people and their babies that much since I’m usually so preoccupied with my own children running in eighteen different directions at the same time. (Yes, I only have two children, but I promise they run in multiple directions at the same time).  Anyway, maybe it’s that I have twins and can’t even concentrate on things that I’d like to concentrate on for more than five minutes at a time. Maybe it’s that I was 35 years old when the twins were born and there are a lot of things at this age that I am simply not insecure about. I can tell you one thing: I don’t care. I don’t care if your kid talks before mine. I don’t care if they walk or crawl or smile or pick their nose better or faster than my kids.

You know what I do care about? I care about being there for my babes. I care about eating healthy and exercising and making healthy choices for them while I can still make those choices for them in the hopes that they look back and make the same kind of decisions when left to their own devices. I care that they are loved.  I hope and pray that they are not bullied nor that they are bullies. I care that I’m raising conscious, loving little people who respect others, who respect the world in which we live and above all respect themselves.

And I’m in tune with my kids. And this family is moving to our own crazy rhythm and I don’t care about what people think. In fact, I love to talk to other mothers about exhausting moments or difficult times when I just don’t know what direction to take with my kids.  Why? Because it’s an opportunity to learn and to open my mind to new solutions.  Sure, I don’t use them all. But I weigh the options and try to educate myself and do a lot of thinking about what’s right for my children.  And then I make the decisions with love.

So far, I have no regrets.

But am I competitive? No.  I’m opinionated, though.  Ask me for my opinion and you shall receive an earful.  One of my opinions, though, is that there is no one way of raising children, and you often have to do what’s right for you AND them, without listening to other people’s criticisms. And if I happen to be quiet and not say anything for or against how you’re raising your child, it may be that I’m just letting you do your thing.  Or it may be that I’m sleeping with my eyes open again.

2 Comments

  • exactly sugar darling, very well said

  • My goal is to be as strong as you. Youth is in my way I’m convinced. I’m so concerned about why everyone else is “doing with their babies” to exceed those developmental milestones. And that I don’t do enough of the “right things” as my baby isn’t matching up why every

So, what do you think?